A small note just to let the internet know that I've been home in Mississippi for a while and still am. Yes, the tornadoes that blew threw this week were severe, damaging and deadly. We were without power for a long time, though lucky that our house is intact, while the small town only a couple of miles away no longer exists. Homeland Security has moved in, cadaver dogs are still searching out the dead, and all the funeral homes are over-filled and the rest are being stacked where available. The finally tally is far from done, and starting to creep up towards 10% of the population. My home being only a hair's breadth away from this destruction, I spent most of yesterday volunteering with my Mom with the Red Cross.
Since I came home over a week ago, death seems to be everywhere, even before these terrible storms destroyed much of my home, the rest of Northeast Mississippi and Northwest Alabama; some in my extended family, even. I came home to mourn and grieve, but I could not have known how much was waiting for me here, as well. In two weeks, a day has not passed that I have not cried. And while all these greater tragedies make my own sorrows and loss feel small, it doesn't make me hurt any less; instead, they just seem to pile up on each other, and I simply don't have the strength to endure the sorrows and losses of every single person as well as my own. The PTSD is making sleep/rest exceedingly difficult as well. I have seen all my doctors, so far, and have new prescriptions that I hope will help, and Mom is trying her best to help me regain the 20lbs I lost two weeks ago that I did not have to spare to begin with.
I survive, as I always will and always must, but I will not be returning any time soon.
Reading: Clash of Kings